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So you want to keep your lover or your employee close. Bound to you, even. You have a few options. You could be the best lover they've ever had, kind, charming, thoughtful, competent, witty, and a tiger in bed. You could be the best workplace they've ever had, with challenging work, rewards for talent, initiative, and professional development, an excellent work/life balance, and good pay. But both of those options demand a lot from you. Besides, your lover (or employee) will stay only as long as she wants to under those systems, and you want to keep her even when she doesn't want to stay. How do you pin her to your side, irrevocably, permanently, and perfectly legally?

You create a sick system.Collapse )


( 315 comments — Leave a comment )
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Sep. 15th, 2012 05:29 am (UTC)
Fantastic insights - someone creates drama and we are the audience glued into our seats. More truth than poetry in these 4 points, good writing!
Sep. 15th, 2012 01:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you, sincerely, for this. Because reading this post and the others you linked took me to one of the most horrible conclusions of my life. I am a lifetime victim of one of these systems. And I am the person maintaining it.

I am the person who forces me to believe that I am worthless, and that I have to spend all my time doing things for other people or I will be seen, hated and ostracised for the freak and monster that I am. I am the person who has convinced me that it is my responsibility to fix everything, all the time, because if I don't then nobody else will raise a finger but will simply stand there and blame me when it all comes down - because it was my job, wasn't it? Other people have treated me badly in the past, sure, but those people are not influencing my life any more. And yet I still put myself through exactly the kind of hell you describe here - because somewhere deep down, I believe that only by operating at the absolute limits of my capacity to make everyone else's lives easier, can I just, barely make it to the minimum standards of human acceptability. And if I try to break this pattern, terrible, terrible things will happen to me in punishment - and I'll deserve them.

I want to stop feeling this way. Gods, I want to stop feeling this way. But how in the name of all darkness am I supposed to find a safe space to run from myself?

Edited at 2012-09-15 01:52 pm (UTC)
Sep. 15th, 2012 10:22 pm (UTC)
Reposted. Like most who have commented, this holds significance to my working life. Thank you. Very enlightening.
Sep. 17th, 2012 01:20 am (UTC)
Oh, my God, you just described half my jobs, but most especially my husband, who walked out January 2 and still hasn't allowed our divorce to go through.
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( 315 comments — Leave a comment )

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