October 13th, 2005

satyr, drool you bastards, bosom

It's not just the booty, really.

How, exactly, does one become a pirate? I feel an urge to take to the high seas in search of rum, gold, and booty.

And I want to be captain of my own ship, dammit. Something tells me that if I sign on under someone else, I'll wind up making copies. It seems to be in my job karma. Pirate ships don't generally have Xerox machines--that's one of their charms--but if I pick one, a keg of loot will mysteriously change itself into a Xerox machine, and the captain will feel an indefinable urge to run off 3000 copies of the ship's charter at once. So you see, having my own ship is essential. (I don't care if we load it up with 70's prog rock musicians and get abducted by aliens, so long as the aliens don't need any copies either.)

Also, being piratical on the high seas gives me a great excuse not to do NaNoWriMolots of stuff to NaNoWriMo about. V. important, NaNoWriMo. You'd be surprised at the role NaNoWriMo has played in pirating through the centuries. For instance, it's a little-known fact that one of the early books on piracy, written by a writer who was pressed into Blackbeard's crew, was done for NaNoWriMo. (It's true!) Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition was also written for NaNoWriMo. You can tell because of the main premise--"Pirates were ghey to teh max because they had to be, man. Like, totally."

As you can see, I have greater reasons to become a pirate--it's not just for the rum and booty, it's for literature. So, er... anyone know where I sign up?