May 10th, 2005

satyr, drool you bastards, bosom

At the company moving fair

There are currently a couple of dozen vendors camped out in our conference center, passing out freebies and trying to make the company's suburbanites feel better about how the company is about to move into the heart of Boston. I hate these things. Everyone is so perky and scrubbed, and they all want to make polite conversation about the benefits of Kindercare Child Center or the $200-a-month special at their parking garage. I feel that I have to play along, even though I'm childless and on public transportation, because the polite conversation is the price for whatever freebie they're offering. Makes me want to let out my inner barbarian:

Twentysomething Chickette in Pink Suit: Hi! Can I tell you about our great new--

Me: HAND OVER FREE MINTS NOW.

Superpolished Business Gigolo: Are you interested in a--

Me: ISSENDAI APPROVE OF YOUR PASTRY TRAY. SURRENDER AND WE WILL LET YOUR WOMEN AND CHILDREN LIVE.

The social contract, it binds us all. And constricts. Someone pass me my horned helmet.