May 8th, 2005

satyr, drool you bastards, bosom

Geekhunting success!

Success! I misremembered the story, but here it is, from the Index of Proper Names in French Arthurian Verse Romance:

Elïavrés
A knight and magician. Ami of Ysaive, wife of Caradoc the elder. By sorcery Elïavrés causes Caradoc the elder to lie with a bitch, a sow, and a mare, using this deception to indulge his guilty passion for Ysaive. Actual father of Caradoc the younger, to whom he reveals the details of his parentage after having partly submitted him to a beheading contest. On being informed by Caradoc the younger of the deception practised upon him, Caradoc the elder compels Elïavrés to lie with a bitch, a sow, and a mare, all of which produce an offspring. Elïavrés in his turn obtains revenge by causing an enchanted serpent to entwine around the arm of his son, Caradoc the younger.
I love the classics. They're so morally uplifting, nothing like the trash we read today.

Elïavrés's three sons, Tortain the boar, Lorigal the horse, and Guinalot the hound appear briefly, but I can't read enough French to tell what happens to them. This is one version of the poem:

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satyr, drool you bastards, bosom

*sniff* Thank you, Anne Rice

Anne Rice, whose flotilla of gay vampires and public haranguing of her own fans have warmed my perverted little black heart for so many years, has finally wrapped up the Lestat saga and is going off in a new direction:

Jesus Christ.

No, that's not me swearing. That's the topic of her next book. Jesus Christ, in his own words. Rice says that "in humility, I have attempted something transformative which we writers dare to call a miracle in the imperfect human idiom we possess. It's to bring Him here in the form a story, and that story is Christ The Lord."

Something tells me she's dreadfully, horribly in earnest about this. Something also tells me that Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt is going to be the Satanic Verses of Christianity. Christians gobbled up the live-action robotic S&M Jesus, but will they accept gay undead Jesus with the same open, er, arms? Will a Jesus who gave His blood for you and wants it back find a place in modern Christianity? Will Goth become a religious movement? And, most importantly, will we get a Laurell-Hamilton-like blow-by-blow of exactly how the Lord filled the Virgin Mary with His Spirit?

Come November, slash pairings that used to be just jokes on the Godawful Fan Fiction forums will have their own archives. Good times are ahead of us, my friends.