January 13th, 2005

Kuja, Butt

Man-witch in toyland

I am in love with this man. His intellect fills me with passion. His passion fills me with longing. And yes, I crave his lithe, sinewy body.

Mostly so I can tie it over a barrel and horsewhip it.

He's quite speshul, but not with the delirious vampyre-faerie-wolf-psychic code-of-honor-laden I'll-follow-any-religion-that-appears-in-a-sci-fi-movie mix that we've all come to love. No, he's self-made. He knows martial arts despite never having had formal training. He's "a trained Shotokan fighter who's mastered 8 weapons." He's not afraid to use his knives. He's a Satanist. He's played guitar for 12 years and is "pretty much at Master level. I'm really not trying to brag or anything, but if there were a belt ranking system for guitar, I would be a Black Belt 6th Dan." He legally changed his name to Damien Warlock. He doesn't know how old he is because his birth certificate was destroyed in a fire, and he was adopted. (He's also an Aquarius.) He's a visionary. He types at 100 wpm. He doesn't "conform to ridiculous and constraintual social norms." And he's a Smallville fan!

He also spells pretty well and he's not afraid to show us his tits.

Was any man ever so appealing?