January 9th, 2005

satyr, drool you bastards, bosom

Naruto

Two and a half episodes into Naruto, and the kid's already transformed into a naked woman four or five times, and kissed the other main male character. (Er, not while naked.) I don't have to do any work--the series slashes itself.

And what sort of morons let a ten-year-old kid live on his own? Of course Naruto's screwed up.

I'm also not entirely certain why Hidden Leaf Village's entire educational system is aimed at turning children into ninjas, or why they saw fit to bung the village's black sheep into a class full of people five years older than him. Or why--no, never mind, I'm still stuck on the ninjas. How many ninjas does one small village need? If they regularly come under attack by demons, shouldn't they be diverting some of their strength into creating priests? Or sorcerors? Or, I dunno, psychiatrists?

And hasn't anyone seen fit to stage an intervention for the voyeur who runs the place?

The animeverse is wacked. I forget that sometimes.


EDIT: A mystery has been explained! Hidden Leaf Village is the country's sooper sekrit ninja factory. They provide all of the ninjas that give their country a military edge. They also work for private clients in between jobs: "Every day, we receive dozens of requests, from babysitting to assassination."

NINJA BABYSITTERS.

My life is complete.

Let's just hope they don't confuse the two.


DOUBLE EDIT: Hidden Leaf Village, anime's ninjified answer to Hogwarts, even has Hogwarts-like demographics! Only nine Academy graduates are accepted as Real Ninjas every year. That's less than a third of the candidates. (Failed candidates can go back to the Academy, but we don't see them in this anime 'cos they would be Old.) Now, you've got nine new ninja a year, but you've also got a hefty ninja deathrate, and the school alone absorbs a substantial number of ninja as teachers. Some fairly horrible stuff must have happened recently, too, because there's a passel of ninja trainees under the age of 16 and a clump of ninja trainers in their early 20's, but no older ninja until you hit the great-granddaddy of them all, who's 70 if he's a day. It's as though a deadly virus descended upon the village and killed every ninja who wasn't hot. You'd think that in the wake of this disaster they'd be hurrying ninjalets through the training as fast as they could, but no--they're all about the unbeatable tests and the paying of dues and the standing in high places and pontificating.

And the potato-digging.

And the babysitting.