Quin and the social worker arranged themselves around the kitchen table, the social worker on one chair and Quin, decoratively, on three. Ariel and Mariah both discovered that the dishes absolutely had to be washed right away, and set to it, flicking their hands at the social worker to indicate "Don't mind us."
"So." The social worker pursed her lips. "Your mother is Emmeline Winterbourne. And your father is...?"
"Apollo," Quin said.
"Apollo whom?"
"Apollo Helios."
"That's not right," Mariah chimed in. "She stopped saying your father was Apollo when it turned out that MY father was Apollo. Your father was Bacchus."
"No, that's Vin," Ariel said. "Quin's father was Zeus for a while, and then Mother went to Norway and realized that his father must really have been Frey."
"Mother has claimed that all our fathers were Apollo at first," Quin explained. "Then a different Apollo visits, and she realizes that the last one was some other god in disguise."
"There's probably a note on a bathroom stall in Valholl," Ariel said. "'For a good time, tell Emmeline Winterbourne you're Apollo.'"
"Ariel!" Quin cried, scandalized.
"In any case, our fathers are out of the picture," Ariel told the social worker, dropping a dishcloth over Quin's head.. "Oh, don't look so shocked, revelations like this are part of the Winterbourne way of life."
"Mother isn't mad, per se," Mariah said, "she's just a bit..."
"...Peeved," said Ariel.
Quin flicked the dishcloth at Ariel, who dodged it. The dishcloth landed in the soapy water and began, majestically, to sink. "In any case, this is not about those two trollops," Quin said. "This is about me. What more did you want to know?"
"And are you going to want to talk to me too?" Mariah butted in. "My case is even more shocking than Quin's. I have two older sisters and an older brother who persecute me, sometimes I eat nothing but cake for days on end, and I am on a quest for True Love, which is certainly not a proper occupation for a child my age."
"Mariah..." Ariel said warningly.
"What? It's not fair that Quin should get an investigation all his own just because he's worse at lying on his homeschooling forms than I am. Besides," she added, leveling a dripping plate at Ariel sternly, "this neighborhood is short on romantic heroes. Foster care would introduce me to new social circles."
"Hush UP," Quin said. "You're not helping my case any."
"You just don't want me to find happiness before you do," Mariah said. "Mr. Failed Throbbing Sex God!"
"No, we just don't want to lose you," Ariel said. "Who would do the laundry?"
"Cannibals eat your nipples!" Mariah shrieked. "CANNIBALS!" She threw the plate into the water, sending an explosion of suds across the kitchen, and stormed out.
"If I tell you some really good tidbits about how we abuse her, would you take her away?" Quin asked the soaked social worker.